Final Essay for Dimensions in Creativity

TJ Ohler

Love Waits:

Diving into Character

When I started this class, I had no idea how to take it. How many times does someone get the opportunity to learn from four different teachers about various subjects of creativity? Still, I was not sure what I would be learning over the course of three in a half months, yet I was excited about learning about “making movies” through different creative venues. In that way, I was open to anything that came my way. I think it was this idea of keeping an open mind that allowed me to successfully write my blogs, create some new, interesting ideas, and finally come out with my first movie ever. As a Writing for Film and Television major, I thought that writing would be mostly what I would deal with, but I have been surprised by the interconnectedness of film. Each and every aspect of a film must be considered for a movie to be good. For Dimensions, ideation, sound, performance, and visualization all held different meanings in my eyes, but in the end without one, the others will likely fall apart. It is for this reason that I believe, my final project with Bret Turley and Alex Whitman came together, slightly to my surprise, quite well. I am proud to call Love Waits my first film ever.

For me, words have always been a love of mine, but for this movie it felt that dialogue wasn’t necessarily needed for the film. It took some convincing at first but eventually I realized that the movie could even be more powerful without words in it. In this way, I hope that the movie successfully pulls that off. This leads me to the ideation. Thought dialogue is a part of ideation, I know that it is more about the creation of ideas or concepts as presented to us by Jean with her use of the Bayeux Tapestry and other creative sources. I realized that the process of ideation referred more to the thought process or the “why” you create something. This is something I considered widely in the project. Now, I haven’t mentioned the subject matter of Love Waits, but usually that’s because the initial reaction is one of hesitance. The short film involves a young college student meeting a boy and then being raped by said boy. A large portion of the movie takes place after the rape with the lead character, “Vanessa” (though anonymous to the viewers her name is in the script), who is showering fully clothed. She is broken. Why shoot a film about rape? I didn’t know at first. I questioned why I wanted to try and show this on the screen. I doubted the concept, the idea because of how serious the content. I feared not portraying the situation in a serious or heartfelt light. I almost didn’t go through with making the movie, but luckily I had the support of friends to back me up even after all the “what the fuck are you doing that for?” looks I received. I hoped that the movie’s idea and the severity of the situation would come across as something real, maybe not completely new but real and powerful.

Sound. Oh sound, I think this was probably one of the roughest tasks. What really fits when there is no dialogue. I had no idea what to put in the film. I almost wanted to put Christmas music so that it would add a happy, yet ominous feel to the film. That did not feel right though. Luckily, Bret found the answer for the problem, one that I think fit perfectly with the overall tone of the movie. The short begins with a hallway scene. In it, the ringing (tuning fork noise) plays as Vanessa walks down a blurred hallway. Then there is the sound that plagues the audience through a lot of the film, the sound of the shower. The water hitting the ground. It was quite uncomfortable to listen to at times. This whole effect is also added with the sound of the heartbeat that plays through portions of the movie as well. It really makes it powerful. Sound is what puts all the visuals together and makes the movie even better, especially with pacing. Also, the lack of sound (or of certain sounds) makes the scene stronger as well. At one point, the action cuts from Vanessa laughing after meeting Marc for the first time to her crying in the shower. Though originally with crying, we cut the sound to make her crying more pronounced. In this way, sound can be powerful and beautiful in ways I never really noticed before. I always thought it was just there in the movie, but I have come to realize how wrong that idea is. It takes work to make sound as powerful as I hope it turned out in the movie.

Meanwhile, the visuals of the movies also played a key role in how the movie was perceived. We spent some (or a lot) of time talking about what would look best on screen. Originally we wanted to add red that would emphasis the situation, but after a long discussion we decided how much more powerful it would be to go more simple. Simple is better sometimes.  In class we played with lighting and saw how that could effect a scene. We used blue and red for gels, and in some way this inspired the blue seen in the movie. The “blue” of the room emphasizes the emotion of the scene in a way that I did not know lighting could do. I always wondered why natural lighting doesn’t work, but by seeing how different that blue lightning gave to the bathroom compared to no lightning I really changed my opinion. Throughout the movie, we showed Marc (Michael Kelly) in more darker entrances, as with the common room scene. Also, we tried to contrast the rape scene with the bathroom by using two different lightning gels, one blue and one orange. It created a great contrast for the movie. Other visuals include  the wardrobe and props of the film. We had Vanessa (Kathy Dorn) wearing blue in every scene. For us, the lightness of the color represented purity for her. Meanwhile Marc either dressed in black or white to show his twisted nature, good/fake side vs. bad/hidden side. This contrast emphasizes his intent. The novel scene in the common room entitled Speak also throws back to emphasize the story. The novel written by Laurie Hales Anderson tells a story about a girl who is raped at a friend’s high school party. After the event the calls the police but is unable to tell them what happened. Everyone thinks she called the police to ruin the party, so they alienate her. Then she stops speaking. I think this ties into the movie significantly with how important it is to tell someone what happened or at least call a helpline of some sort. Just speak. Finally, one of the most import symbols in the movie involves the purity ring that Vanessa wears. It represents her naivety and hopes of finding Mr. Right and waiting until the right person comes along to give herself to. When she drops the ring at the end of the movie, it shows the loss that has grabbed her by the heart. In this way, it can even hold as a symbol for Love Waits, especially seeing as the words are engraved in the ring. 

Now, I don’t have much to say about performance, except that it needs to be near perfect for all the other parts of creativity to come together and become something more. In this way, Kathy and Marc really pulled it off together. Without their great acting, the movie would NOT have come close to the quality it did. Plus, I developed a whole new appreciation for working with actors. They really should have a say about the movie. We really took that in consideration. Some of the shots (the last shot) was fought for by Kathy and I think it was a stronger ending than just the sound of the ring falling to the ground. Also, I also loved working with Kathy and helping her get into character. Just talking to her about what we wanted and how I thought Vanessa would feel was one of my favorite parts of the movie. Without performance (and the performers), Love Waits would not have been possible.

Many other little details went into this movie, but most of all I think editing was one of the most important. It allowed for all the dimensions in creativity to combine into one and form the final product. From jump cuts, cross fades to carrying action and emotion through, the effect of the film was more than I could have hoped for when I thought of it in the shower. Ideation worked to create the idea, sound worked to finish the tone and pace of the movie, visualization allowed for the emotions to come through on screen, and performance allowed for everything to be believable and heartfelt. At least that’s how I feel. For me, I will always remember and adore that Love Waits was the first short film I ever worked on, and I know many more are going to follow.

A Week Later

     It has been a while since I last posted, and almost a full week since I presented my Festival of Spectacle. We had to include all four sections of the class into the presentation, visualization, performance, ideation, and sound. A whole two in half months have passed since we learned that we had to work on this project.  Since it is the first year for the class, the directions for the project were a little vague, but I think that left it open for all the dimensions in our creativity. So here's what my project turned out to be.
     I worked by myself and tried to get into character for my performance. I worked really long on the project because I wanted it to be real. I wanted it to draw emotion from the viewers. I know that is asking for a lot, but I really wanted to grasp that idea and use it. So I was a boy who wrote words down on a paper (that I drew before this). However, I started by looking into a "mirror"(an outline of my body that I drew pictures in for visualization). I held up signs that said. Dear Mom, I hate you for making me doubt myself, for not accepting who I am.
     Then I ended up screaming into a pillow after not being able to put together my tie. Then I tied my other tie and went to a small prop I set down in to the middle of the floor. That's when you see that it is a funeral for my mother. After that I used black letters to spell out "I forgive you". I know it doesn't sound as good when I am writing it, but I really tried to pull something real out of the experience.
     At the end, I wore a t-shirt that said I support same sex marriage and I had a rainbow flag. I guess you can connect the dots. I really enjoyed this, but I am really nervous about what is going to happen next, especially since technology is involved (I am so bad with technology).
     Wish me luck...

Oral Presentation

     For some reason, I find that making a presentation in front of people challenges me to break out of my shell. I don't know what it is, but there is some fear in the back of my mind that is always there that I am coming off as insincere or too nervous, which I probably am. It annoys me. 
     The other day in my Dimensions in Creativity class. Previously, we drew some pictures on paper. In this class, we had to use most, if not all, of the pictures that everyone had drawn. They were supposed to follow the theme of good and bad self, but even with that everyone had a very different take on the theme, which made it difficult to mix all of them into a story to present to the class.
     Being who I am, I was way to nervous to go first or even in the middle. I ended up going next to last. In my story, Baby (the overweight protagonist) deals with the repercussions of her mother's consistent complaints about her weight. They have caused her to doubt her own self-image and she hates herself for this. I don't know if this idea was inspired from something else or not. I don't know.
     Some of the illustrations included, turtles, cakes, a hitler stash, ying yang symbol, and temptation. I tried to go about the story with a more abstract idea. Some people described the relationship of the turtle throughout their tale, while others went with the characters drawn on them.
     I really loved the way that we all made our own stories with it and went in almost complete different directions than others in the class. Yes, the images we had to use were the same, but at the same time all of our perceptions towards those images were different in some ways or another.
     For example, their was one picture that had a heart and star figures in in. Someone used them as Gods in their stories, while others used them differently. I used the image by saying Baby carried her "heart on her sleeve". I tried to use the images in other pictures more abstractly as well. I think that is why I really enjoyed the assignment so much, even if I was really nervous when I found out we had to make up a story in front of people (Even though, in our subconscious we were thinking of ideas in some ways or another.) I found it really interesting, yet challenging.
     Ultimately, this oral presentation gave me the idea I am going to use in my Festival of Spectacles. I will explain this in my next blog post, so stay tuned. <3

Aggravation

     It's so hard to just find the time to write something that you want to write and just enjoy it. Either you criticize your own work or someone else is doing that for you and it is the most annoying aspect of writing, but a necessary one. I don't even know why I am talking about this, but I guess ideation plays a large role in writing, ti really does and I love that. I think that it is a really abstract way to look at it, instead of entitling the section Writing its about ideation and I guess I am willing to explore where that will lead me later on in my own writing process, even if I don't know exactly just yet. I know that inversion was a good lesson to learn for later to learn.
     Now about the Bayeux Tapestry. As I dived into it in class, I tried to get into the idea of battling the good and evil of oneself. And I was really stumped at first about what I was going to draw. I really didn't know what I would be drawing at first so I just went up there and started to draw and then an idea hit me to do the Temptation of lust vs. love. I know the idea is kind of cliché  but it really was the idea that was on my mind at the time and I thought that it was good to write about for me at the time.
     I'm in a long distance relationship and it is so complicated and there are so many problems and issues to deal with that I don't know how I will overcome them sometimes, but I want to work it out so much and I hope it will, and it really felt liberating to be able to draw my own inner battle with that, not that I would talk about that in class...I just want to figure it out. But life isn't always black and white. I truly believe every situation is shades of black and white, often times grey. It is never exactly simple, no matter how bad you want it to be. It isn't and I know that may come a annoying for a lot of people. I even find it aggravating, but at the same time it is what makes writing so fun for me. I love discovering new characters as I write and trying to figure out how they will solve the problem/conflict that arises in the story, which often times plays a role in my own life. I love it and it is what I want to do and I just wish sometimes that I could just throw my words down and type like I do with these blogs. I don't even think when I type, I just do it and it either works or it doesn't and I love it. 
     So I don't know if I will be an amazing writer any time soon, but I do know that it will be a part of my life and that I will not stop writing no matter what happens, negative criticism or not. This is what I love and this is what I plan on doing for the rest of my life. Live and Let Love.

Tapping into Character

     I am a drug addict. My addiction controls my life pretty much everyday. It controls me and takes over my very being, making normal decisions more strenuous than others would think. No one seems to understand the nature of being an addict, and I don't know if I can blame them. If I was in their position then maybe I would feel the same way, the same skepticism. I only fear that my own son would understand that I am not perfect and will never claim to be. I will never be a perfect mother or perfect person. My memories and my life have led me to this point. I am my addiction. And I can't overcome it no matter how hard I try. Maybe it is impossible, or maybe it is just ME.

     For today's lesson, we had to tap into a character. I guess I tried to tap into my mother. She has dealt with drug and alcohol abuse for the past ten years, I guess I don't even remember a time when she wasn't who she is today. I don't know if I pulled the addict idea off in class but I really felt into it more than other activities from other sections of the class. I love tapping into a character because when I write I try and find that feeling or emotion or situation that a character deals with or feels. Using that as a template, the story just flows (or more often struggles to) through my fingers onto the keyboard. 

     So I think I picked my mother today in class as a focus to tapping into a character. I don't know why it just felt right at the time. I actually think that the exercise gave me an idea, so right now I am thinking of writing a short story related to my mother's addiction and I think that is something I can't get from every class. 

     Class also helped me realize that I haven't talked to my mom in about a month, seeing as I haven't seen her in about five years I guess I take her for granted. So I will probably call her soon to find out what has been going on with her. Hopefully she is fine (she probably is).

     I kinda feel like the parent in the relationship with my mother, so I tried to tap into the idea of self-doubt in my character today. I really love looking into something an actor or actress may do to reach that point of believability. 

     So I guess I hope I can apply this idea into my writing (for some reason I always do this to our exercises but that is what makes them so enjoyable for me). 

     I wish I could understand my mother's choices better than I do  now, maybe one day I will. Or maybe I won't. But what I learned so far this year is that learning something can be abstract, and maybe I already understand my mom I just haven't admitted it yet. 

     On the other hand, maybe writing about it will help me look at it in a different light. If I can do that, then I could learn something new. (I may elaborate on this more in a later blog)

Falling: Learning the Connection

     At first I doubted the validity of falling on a mat as actually learning anything, but as the session went on, I came to the realization that it really can help. I feel like falling is this abstract thing that people usually fear. When I think of falling, I remember failing on a test or feeling like I'm out of control of my life and I really don't like that feeling. For this exercise, I found it hard to adapt and connect with falling. I found it strange and couldn't really find what I attached falling to.
     However in the second class, I related more to this idea and tried to tap into my emotions better. One of the scenarios that kept playing through my head was someone doing the same thing over and over again for a class like Dimensions in Creativity, but instead of feeling distant, like I do for it, he falls remembering physical abuse between his parents. Though I think deep down part of this relates back to my own parents' drunken arguments. Anyways as I fall I usually think of this instead of necessarily connecting with the activity. 
     However in next part of class when we had to let our body do what it wanted movement wise. Again I felt distance from the activity, but after some hesitation I connected with the idea. I really don't know how to describe the movement I focused on in class but it embodied the emotion of self-doubt, either physically or mentally. This is seen my me looking at my hand which clenches into a fist and then unclenches. Meanwhile, my other hand rubs along this hand and caresses my arm. I fought to include the rest of my body and this became a problem for me to pass. Soon I did though. I pulled my first movement from earlier in class where I took a step back like I was falling. This really spoke to me.
     I don't understand why it spoke to me, well maybe I do. I kinda doubt myself a lot, especially when it comes to my writing. Right now I have to type this as fast as I can so I don't over think it because if I do it will not come out. I want to express myself artistically through writing and as I go on through this class, I am seeing how I can apply falling to my own projects in the future, be it writing or production (when I actually learn how to use a camera).
     But back to the movement of self-doubt. I think it really spoke to me and I hope we continue to build on this in future classes. I hope that I do connect with this idea even more because I am willing to learn from this and I am excited. I already have tons of ideas running through my head, I just have to put them together on paper. Maybe doing all these physical activities will help the writer inside me and help to put ideas on paper.

Our Light

     Now I don't claim to understand the meaning behind images or what it means when you draw a certain picture but I guess I can try and decipher the meaning behind it all. So, in class last week, we had to trace someone else's body so they could use it for an exercise. Kinda awkward, since I had no idea what we were about to do. Eventually, after a few minutes we began drawing pictures. The first was where we believed our "light" was located in your body. Seeing as my body didn't have arms, it kinda of limited where I could put it. On the other hand, the first thought of where to put my light was where my heart is located.
     So I guess since I drew my light where my heart is and shaped it that way, it probably means something like I believe in following my heart and searching for the truth. I guess if I follow my heart I will be following my dreams or some random stuff like that. I don't really remember the rest of the order of the parts we were supposed to draw. So I think I will just go into a spew of the drawings.
     Well after the light drawing, I think we had to draw a house and where we thought it would be. I drew it at my head. It really looked dingy and kinda thought like it was swaying in the wind. I drew a lake by it because my dream house would be near the water. Plus, I drew it in my head to show that my ideal house is all in my head at the moment and maybe will be what I hope it is whenever I do in fact get one.
     Anyways, after that I think we had to draw a river in our body. I drew it as if it was coming from the lake that was as my house. the lake started from my head and led all the way down to my right foot. It kinda had that flowing, infinite, uncontrollable feeling to it. Meanwhile, a little basket that I wrote hopes and dreams on is sitting on the river, drifting down it. I guess that means to me that people sometimes give up on their hopes and dreams and that to me isn't the right way to go. For that very reason, I think it is key to never give up on the things that matter most to you.
     On the other side of the flowing river is a fire that is attacking the light/heart. This flows all the way to my left foot and is really contrasting the river. I guess it represents how we are always fighting something within us and things out in the world that we can't always control. We shouldn't let that put out our light.
     I also drew a shadow shaped like a tornado in my head. I don't know what that means, probably relates to the fire idea that sometimes life is hard sometimes.
     In my heart/light I drew a locked door, where I guess I keep my true feelings and any secrets I may not want to share with the rest of the world. A locked door in my heart sounds really cliche but that is what I drew and what I thought of whenever we had to draw it.
     Finally (even though we did not do it last), I drew a snake near my crotch. I guess at first it was the idea of temptation following me around (like procrastinating on homework), but i I added a butterfly that the snake was supposed to be attacking. In the end, I turned it into the snake protecting the butterfly from the fire. So I guess it kinda shows you not to judge things by their appearance because you might not get to see the lighter side of their personality and realize that they might be a really awesome person. Plus, I love the idea of protecting the light of others by helping them in a time of need.
     Living your life alone and without support is not a way to live.