Falling: Learning the Connection

     At first I doubted the validity of falling on a mat as actually learning anything, but as the session went on, I came to the realization that it really can help. I feel like falling is this abstract thing that people usually fear. When I think of falling, I remember failing on a test or feeling like I'm out of control of my life and I really don't like that feeling. For this exercise, I found it hard to adapt and connect with falling. I found it strange and couldn't really find what I attached falling to.
     However in the second class, I related more to this idea and tried to tap into my emotions better. One of the scenarios that kept playing through my head was someone doing the same thing over and over again for a class like Dimensions in Creativity, but instead of feeling distant, like I do for it, he falls remembering physical abuse between his parents. Though I think deep down part of this relates back to my own parents' drunken arguments. Anyways as I fall I usually think of this instead of necessarily connecting with the activity. 
     However in next part of class when we had to let our body do what it wanted movement wise. Again I felt distance from the activity, but after some hesitation I connected with the idea. I really don't know how to describe the movement I focused on in class but it embodied the emotion of self-doubt, either physically or mentally. This is seen my me looking at my hand which clenches into a fist and then unclenches. Meanwhile, my other hand rubs along this hand and caresses my arm. I fought to include the rest of my body and this became a problem for me to pass. Soon I did though. I pulled my first movement from earlier in class where I took a step back like I was falling. This really spoke to me.
     I don't understand why it spoke to me, well maybe I do. I kinda doubt myself a lot, especially when it comes to my writing. Right now I have to type this as fast as I can so I don't over think it because if I do it will not come out. I want to express myself artistically through writing and as I go on through this class, I am seeing how I can apply falling to my own projects in the future, be it writing or production (when I actually learn how to use a camera).
     But back to the movement of self-doubt. I think it really spoke to me and I hope we continue to build on this in future classes. I hope that I do connect with this idea even more because I am willing to learn from this and I am excited. I already have tons of ideas running through my head, I just have to put them together on paper. Maybe doing all these physical activities will help the writer inside me and help to put ideas on paper.